Long Time
The last time I posted was in March, and I had written about change and how inevitable, tough, and strange it is. Since then, I have gone through even more change with the addition of my new little one born into my family in August. There is good change and bad change in each of our lives, and I've known that since I was young as I experienced moving house, siblings leaving for college, marriage, or missions, and simply by growing up. However, I have never known change quite like this before with having a child. And it is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
My dream has always been to be an author, wife, and mother, not necessarily in that order, and I have been so blessed to experience each of those already in my life.
Author
I never thought I would publish a book so young, let alone ever. It had always been a dream, but I had simply planned on waiting until I was in my later years, my children had grown and married, and I had more time to branch out in my writing.
I started at a young age with stories of my favorite Disney character, Pocahontas, writing spin-offs of her life in the forest. Then I progressed to little girls riding horses in the mountains, eating candy their mother had bought for them, and having sleepovers that held the promise of romantic movies watched all night long. Next came the short stories filled with girls and the crushes they had on the neighbor boys, always based off personal experience, of course. Eventually, around age 13, I really moved into the romance genre, trying my hand at westerns, regencies, medieval, and fantasy romances. However, with each longer story I attempted to write, I became stuck and wouldn't finish, thinking the romance didn't seem real, the characters seemed too dramatic, and the endings too cheesy.
Deciding to take a break from my romance novels, I began writing poetry in high school and realized my love for that. I generally wrote rhyming poems but eventually branched out into what I do today, free verse. I also was Editor-in-Chief for my high school yearbook and was in charge of reading, writing, or editing all of the stories on each page.
After I graduated, I attended Utah State University and knew I wanted to major in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing. It took a year or two to finally get into the program, and I couldn't wait to get writing full-time for my classes. However, I wasn't as pleased as I had hoped to be. In fact, I grew to find writing tedious for the classes I attended. I was made to write short stories that people in the class would enjoy reading, rather than what I wanted to write myself, so my end result never was as good as I felt it could've been. And it frustrated me to no end. I thought I had made the wrong decision in choosing Creative Writing, as I soon dreaded attending classes.
However, everything changed, myself, my life, my writing, when I met my future husband, Christian.
Wife
Christian and I met when we both attended Utah State. We lived in the same apartment complex and first laid eyes on each other at a church retreat our neighborhood held. I saw this handsome, dark-haired, brown-eyed man standing underneath a tree and was immediately attracted to him. We stood in a circle, my roommates and his, waiting for the rest of the people to get there, and everyone went around and introduced themselves, apart from me. I was far too shy to say anything at all, unfortunately.
I tried to keep my eyes off the handsome man, but when he introduced himself, I couldn't help but whip my head back as an English accent proceeded forth from his mouth. Was it real? Oh, yes. Yes, it was. I had been obsessed with the UK for ages, especially after watching countless hours of all Jane Austen novel remakes, and of course, wanting a Mr. Darcy of my own, so seeing a real English gentleman, not unlike Mr. Darcy himself, standing before me, was astonishing, to say the least.
To cut a year long courtship short, Christian and I stared at each other all day, but neither of us approached the other for an entire month when he finally asked for my number. We had our first date in October, our first kiss in December, said we loved each other in February, and then became engaged the next October, and married by January 2011. I had never met anyone like Christian before. He was so kind and attentive, so intelligent and hard working, and so supportive of my dreams of becoming a mother and author. I attribute most of my accomplishments in life to him. I couldn't have done much in my life if it weren't for my family and my wonderful husband.
And because of our love for each other, I was able to write A Secret Fire, my first romance novel finished and published. I finally knew what real love was, what heartache and sacrifice was, what compassion and caring was, and with that knowledge, I could write more honestly than ever before.
With Christian's support and encouraging, I was able to have a book published before I graduated college and had children, something I never thought possible. But I still felt a gap in my life. And I knew it could only be filled with children.
Mother
I graduated college before having a child, a decision I felt would be best for my family, but it was a long two years for me after marriage to wait to have a baby. I remember taking care of my dolls ever since I was little, always wanting a real one. Nieces and nephews only spurred that desire on, and when I knew I was graduating, finally, it was my turn.
Being pregnant and still attending school was tough, especially feeling nauseated for three months, but knowing what was growing inside me was worth everything. We didn't want to find out what the child was, deciding it would be exciting to see on the day he or she would be born. But boy, was it hard! I was certain it was a boy, thinking there was no way I would have a girl first, but Christian was sure I was wrong.
After nine long months of waiting and not being able to decorate the nursery or buy one set of clothes, August 20th rolled around, a week past the baby's due date, and I was in labor. Seventeen hours later, Christian announced to me that we had a little baby girl. My mouth dropped, and I looked to my new daughter, still not believing it. And since that moment two months ago of seeing her dark hair, and little, slightly turned up nose, I have felt happier than ever before. I wake up each morning with a sense of purpose, responsibility, and love. It is incredible being a mother. Hard, yes, and this is only with one child, but every feeding, diaper changing, burping, and holding while she screams into my ear is so worth it, so satisfying, and I love it. It is incredible that a loving Heavenly Father trusts each of us on earth to take care of His children. It is overwhelming when I really understand what a huge responsibility I have to do my best in raising this beautiful daughter of His. And I feel so blessed to have His trust.
Dreams Come True
Now, after each of my dreams have come true, marriage, published author, and mother, I get to create new dreams and hope to continue to accomplish them with the help of my family and Heavenly Father. Change can be difficult, but it can also be a great blessing. And ultimately, it depends on us to see it that way.
