I've been writing my new novel, and I've run into a few complications. As in, I wrote about 70 pages, then decided I didn't like the story at all. I took a few weeks off for Christmas, New Years, Anniversary, etc., and because I just wasn't really "feeling it," you know? Well, problem is now, I opened up the story again and read a few pages in the beginning, middle, and where I ended, and now I've lost even more of my desire to write it. I always let my emotions come out when I write, maybe too much, and that's why I think I'm not enjoying this new novel. Now it's nothing like anger, depression, or heartache. No, it's more like boredom. And that's not really what you want to read or write about, is it? Boredom? No, not really at all.
My life has completely changed since having my daughter. I wouldn't change it for the world, because I feel more uplifted and whole than I have in my entire life. Plus, having a little girl to take care of and play with is, to me, the most exciting thing in the world. Still, some days, I find myself feeling more bored than usual. I can usually shake that boredom feeling by going outside, taking a drive, getting out and doing something, but this winter has taken its toll on me by keeping me locked up indoors. Can't push a stroller in a foot of snow, can't drive safely with icy roads, can't play outside for long or we catch colds. So the result is boredom. And when I feel bored, I can sometimes manage to squeeze a bit of writing in between naps and feedings, but my writing inevitably becomes boring, too. Not that writing (the verb) is boring, just the stuff I write is boring. (Have I mentioned that word too much now?)
I feel like I'm to the point in my story where I either delete the entire thing and start over from scratch, or I carry on, writing a boring story which no one, including myself, will enjoy. And I'm pretty sure I know which direction I want to take. Stories, to me, are supposed to be a fun escape from the boredoms, problems, and unhappy endings of this world, a place a reader can go to enjoy moments in their lives by reading something happy and uplifting. Stories aren't supposed to be boring and depressing! (But that's just my opinion.)
So by writing this (boring) blog post, I've finally come to my decision. Yes, it's incredibly frustrating to start over, but hey, isn't that what life is all about? Making mistakes, changing, starting over and over again each morning of each week of each month of each year? That's the only way we get better, after all, with practice and change. So I suppose that's what I'll be doing with the story now: practicing writing non-boring scenes and changing the things I don't like. And hopefully by the next blog post, I'll have some more exciting news. Maybe the snow will have let up, maybe my sister will have returned from her mission, maybe my husband's car will be fixed, maybe my story will be finished, or just maybe, my writing will no longer be boring.
But until then, happy reading!
